How to survive office meetings

If you're a young professional (comme moi) and have recently joined the ranks of the employed, chances are that you've been involved in one or more 'meetings' at your workplace. Now meetings come in all shapes and sizes but I am talking about the ones where you don't know jack about whatever it is that's going on, but are expected to participate nonetheless since your post graduate course had a subject that contained a fleeting reference to the topic which is to be discussed at the meeting, the same one you never paid any serious attention to out of sheer laziness. Sound familiar?

If so, fear not...you're not alone. Here are some pointers which will not just help you survive this atrocity, but may even allow you to leave the conference room with your head held high. But before we do that, let's quickly brush up on our basics.

The People

1. The Meeter: Usually your superior/boss, s/he is the one responsible for bringing you to the meeting. S/he is not responsible for getting you out though.

2. The Meetee: It could be a client who's paying you, or someone you are paying to get some work done,  either ways, the basic principle remains the same i.e the meeters are a bunch of idiots.

3. You

The Location

Like football matches, meetings can be held at home or away. In this case, home means your place of work and away usually means the meetees' place of work. Meetings at neutral venues too are possible, but rarely heard of (meaning, the author has not experienced them so far). Also like football matches, home advantage is always preferred.

Things to carry

A pen/pencil, something to write (a notebook or a few pieces of paper), your business card and your wits.

All right then, now that we know the basics, lets move on to the advanced levels. Since the whole point of this exercise is to project your inherent knowledge/intelligence over and above its true value, pay careful attention to the following points.

1. Walk the talk: Walk into the meeting like you own the place. If the meeting is in your own office, quickly grab the farthest available seating place from the meetees. If you're on an away mission, do the same. Just remember to ask permission before plonking your butt down.

Why this works: Walking in with confidence shows that you are, well, confident. This is especially required in cases where you're not confident. Asking permission from the hosts signifies that you're cautious and know your limitations. Also note the subtle exploitation of home advantage.

2. Card Swap: Once all the participants are in and have settled down (usually marked by a 1 degree rise in room temperature) start exchanging business cards. After the cards have been exchanged, spend a couple of minutes familiarising yourself with the names, designations and qualifications of the meetees. 

Why this works: Initiating information exchange is always good. It show the meetees that you're not intimidated by them, and it shows your bosses that you can hold your own in an alien situation. This will also give you an idea of the hierarchy amongst the meetees.

3. Flow with it: During any meeting, digressing from the topic is as common as the common cold. It is bound to happen. When it does, do not try to bring the discussion back to the original topic. Let it sway as far off course as possible. Take a few swings yourself if you're comfortable with the pseudo-topic. Try and bring up one if you're not. If you can't do anything, pretend to agree with the dominant party.

Why this works: After the meeting, no one can complain that you didn't speak much. This gives you a chance to show that you're well versed in topics other than work and also hides the fact that you didn't know much about the original topic.

4. Silence is golden: Body language plays an important part in all meetings. While we've already discussed the significance of a confident entry at the onset, the following table gives you a guide on how best to use non-verbal communication.

If	You
Your boss cracks a joke	Laugh heartily
The meetee cracks a joke	Copy your boss' reaction
Your boss is answering a question	Stare blankly into space and occassionally scribble something (this will make it seem like you're thinking)
You have to answer a question	Tell them whatever you know (Do not fudge. If you don't know anything, say so)
The meetees are being criticized	Pretend to agree with your boss
Your boss is being criticized	Let him have it, lest the critique starts flowing your way
You're being criticized	Accept it. Take copious notes and if at all you have something to say, wait for the daggers to stop flying

5.Improvise: Despite all the worldly wisdom the author has gained over the course of several meetings, it is possible that the situation you find yourself in is not covered in the above treatise. In such cases, the only thing that works is improvisation. Just remember two things:
A. Do not make the people who're paying you look bad.
B. Do not use more than half of your lying prowess. There is a high chance that these lies will come back and bite you in the posterior, so smaller the better.

So that's it! Five simple points (and a few sub-points) to make the first steps in your professional life a little bit easier. I'm sure you realize that compiling this guide has been a pain staking process, and it needs to be updated constantly. So, send only your positive feedback to me as I love hearing good things from you :)

Disclaimer: Use at your own risk. The author shall not be held responsible for any embarrassments that might arise due to the use of this guide.

Open Letter to Linkin Park

Dear Linkin Park,

I can't believe I haven't done this before. After being a fan of your work for years, this is the first time that I am writing to you. Honestly though, I probably wouldn't be writing to you today either, had it not been for your latest exploit, your fourth studio album.

I must have been in school, when I first heard In the end...that iconoclast of a song which completely blew me away. Never could I have imagined that the cocktail of rap and rock would be so potent as to give me a high lasting many many years. The music and the style was fresh, no doubt and the presentation too was way ahead of its time. Nu metal was what they called it. I was hooked. But if I had to choose one thing that really bound me to you, I'd have to pick the lyrics.

You seemed to capture my emotions better than me. Growing up is never an easy time. In fact, it's overwhelming. Your songs gave words to feelings I knew had, but could never express. My boyhood angst, my teenage frustrations, my tribulations as a young adult...all seemed to find company in your songs. Not one or two, but each and every song of your first two albums. Numb, Breaking the habit, By myself...the list just goes on.

With your third album, you chose to highlight the folly of our ways and remind us of the impending doom they are almost certain to produce. Honestly, it had none of the elements which attracted me to your music in the first place. You were talking about issues that were affecting people all over the world, while your earlier songs focused more on the individual. A daring change, yes, but I was afraid I was losing my connection with you. It was as if in the three years you took to come up with this album, you had grown up and matured, while I was still stuck in that turbulent phase from where we had started together. However, nothing could have prepared me for what was to come next.

A thousand suns takes the doomsday theme a step, no, make that a thousand steps further. If Minutes to Midnight took off on a tangent from your earlier works, this one reaches a different plane altogether. The overall feel of this album is dark and profound...even scary at some places. Few others would have attempted to capture the ethos of a post apocalyptic earth, let alone do it beautifully. And when you end the album with words like "Love, keeps us kind", it puts in perspective the message one needs to take away from the album. Brilliant.

You do know that after Meteora, you could have continued making nu metal albums. The fans and the critics wouldn't have minded. You could have made a ton of money and sailed into the sunset a few years later. But you chose to keep evolving your music and the messages it conveys. You dared, and thus, are winners. So here's to change then, may you continue blurring genres and may your work always give me enough food for thought. Cheers!

Anirudh.

Robot - Learnings from the movie

How does one build an andro-humanoid robot (AHR)? This question had been bothering me for quite some time now. So, to get in-depth knowledge of this tedious process, I decided to watch a documentary on the same subject, very aptly titled "Robot". I was told that the robot in this documentary was modelled on Superstar Rajnikanth which added to my eagerness to watch it. As expected, the experience was vastly rewarding and I am compelled, nay, honoured to share my learnings with you.

1. When working on the building of an AHR, do not shave. You will save a lot of time and by the end, you will look like a tapasvi from the good old days. Thus establishing the connection between modern day research and centuries old tapasya in one fell swoop.

2. Order the water/fire/insect resistant parts for your robot from your local hardware store only. Not only do you get to reduce the carbon footprint of the project, but unboxing the stuff will actually give your assistants some real work to do.

3. When using your AHR to drive your car, always ask it to follow your instructions. It doesn't matter whether you've programmed a 'driving module' into its memory or not.

4. At any demonstration, people will ask your robot random-ass questions like Fibonacci numbers, prime numbers, existence of God etc. It is best if you can prepare it for them.

5. Most importantly, remember you are the BOSS (pun intended) so whenever the workload gets too hectic, take a break and sing a song with your ladylove. It is essential that this activity be carried out in an exotic foreign location.

6. These robots are great for cheating at exams, and so can be used to further the cause of education in the country.

7. Street gangs in Chennai do have foreign recruits these days. Prepare your AHR accordingly in case he has to face them in a hand to hand combat situation. It is also important to install heavy duty castors in its feet for any emergency train chases.

8. It's probably best if you don't get influenced by the criticism from your old thesis advisor. It's likely that he's pissed at you for not wishing him on teachers day.

9. Even if you do listen to him, please do not program emotions or 'reverse map' hormones into your AHR. This is for your own safety. More so, if you happen to have a super hot girlfriend.

10. Do not skimp on a good 'mosquito mode' for your AHR. This will allow it to communicate with those miniature vampires when the need arises.

11. When using your AHR for destructive purposes like suicide bombings etc., it is best to dress it up in loud clothes and garish hairstyles. Subtlety only applies to human terrorists.

12. Sing another song. You might want to use a lot of CGI this time.

13. If, for some reason, you have to destroy your AHR, chop it up into little pieces and dispose the pieces in your regular trashcan. You might also realize the importance of point # 2 at this juncture.

13. In case of a malfunctioning AHR, check its batteries. In case your AHR starts behaving like a dark overlord hell bent on destroying everything, he may have been hacked. You might want to search him for malicious, red coloured chips.

14. Before we forget, sing another song. Probably in Machu-Pichu.

15. In the end, you're going to realize that the AHR you created is too smart for the world's good, and you are going to want to dismantle it for good. At this point, you should probably ask yourself why you created it in the first place, and whether or not formatting its hard drive would have been a better option.

16. When you do get the answer, please let me know.

On a more serious note, the movie Robot does touch upon some very pertinent issues related to human-machine relationships of the future, especially in the first half. Absolutely comparable in its execution to any damn Hollywood movie of a similar nature. Where it chooses to display its Kollywood legacy, is in the second half ,thereby making it a tad too long and melodramatic for my liking. Nonetheless, it redeems some of its lost ground with a fantastic climax. It'd also have been great had the makers set the movie in a more futuristic Chennai city instead of the present  day, you know, just to add that extra bit of fiction to all the science.

Oh and if you do watch this movie after reading till this point, pliss to tell me whether or not they misspelled 'neural' in one of the opening scenes where Rajnikanth is shown programming his robot...

Open Letter to Bollywood

Dear Bollywood,

This is to inform you, that starting today, I am no longer a fan of yours. You suck. Period. I was going to add 'balls to you' but you've already taken away too much of my precious time and money for me to even think of parting with anything else now.

It wasn't always like this you know. When I was a kid, I really did look up to you. You had me believe that the world was a just place where violence was the solution to all of life's problems. A world where I could kick five bad guys' butts without breaking a fart. A world that wonderful. So, can you imagine the pain I felt when that notion was shattered? To give you some idea, it resembled a hard kick in the gonads delivered by an elder brother who obviously learned better fake karate from you than I did.

The biggest disappointment to have ever come my way because of you was my college life, rather, the lack of it. Taking a cue from you, I wore tight, blue jeans, topped them up with leather jackets (all this in the huge steam bath that is Mumbai) and put on big white sneakers, all in a bid to look 'cool'. I even befriended the customary nerd, the class repeater and the fat guy. My attendance in the canteen far exceeded that in class because those were the rules. I mean, if all your young, 40 year old boys could do it with one hand tied behind their backs, how difficult could it be? I'll tell you how difficult. It's like trying to pass a physics exam one day after you come to know that it's one of the subjects you've signed up for.

But now I have grown up. I have learned from the many disappointments you have thrown my way, like the two mentioned above. I have not sworn vendetta against anybody. There are no bad guys trying to mess with me, there are no girls I need to sing songs to. I'm just a regular guy who works 5 days a week and sleeps off the remaining 2. But there is a difference. I think. A lot. You should try it too. It's good fun.

Anyways, this new found sedentary lifestyle of mine has left me with a lot of time on my hands. So let me tell you exactly where you're stepping in the dung.

1. Leave your brains at home: The brain is an inseparable body organ. You cannot 'leave' it anywhere. So I'll personally slap the next person who tells me to 'leave my brain at home' and enjoy an xyz movie.

2. I give you, 10e6 out of 5 stars: Please stop paying critics to write rave reviews about shite movies. Not all people are not stupid.

3. The next big blockbuster: A battery of big stars, exotic locales and semi-nude babes do not make for a watchable movie. For that you need to have two things which you almost, always forget. (Hint: Both start with an 's'. One ends in a 'y' and the other in a 't').

4. I can hasz email: Stop using email forwards to force us to laugh. They were only funny the first time we read them...ten years ago. The next time you try that, I'll come and tickle you in the gut with my Wolverine claws. We'll see who laughs then.

5. Copying music/plots/scenes:  Dude, you just don't understand the power of Youtube, do you? 

6. Baah-mulaiza, aahhoon-aahhoon et al.: For god's sake, please make songs with actual lyrics in them. I'm tired of listening to 'songs' with just one word being repeated for their entire duration, and lyrics so pedestrian, a primary school kid could write better.

7. Celebrities pitching movies on music reality shows: Please! As if all these damn music reality shows on every damn channel weren't irritating enough, we now have to endure celebs coming in and selling their movie as if it were the shiniest piece of creative brilliance mankind has ever come up with. We know it's gonna suck anyways. You know what really breaks my heart? The participants singing songs starring/composed by/sung by the celeb which sound like those mentioned in (6) above.

Now I do realize that there is a section of the movie going audience who gives a rat's ass to all of the above. They are your bread and butter, and you do need to please them. But please, can the thinking man have something for keeps too? Can't you make at least one movie in a year that I can take home with me? Something that keeps playing in my head long after I've left the cinema and make me go 'aha' when I figure out some clever plot intricacy? I know it's difficult for you, but can you at least try? If that's not possible, can you at least support the few people who do make an effort to be different. Not just hat ke, but really, genuinely, different. 

But since you won't be able to do that, Im'ma switch my allegiances to American TV shows. They have enough variety and brains to keep me engaged for a  long long time. I'm not leaving you completely though...I'll watch pirated copies of your stuff too (serves you right for the overcharged tickets at cinemas). The Pakistani economy isn't going to support itself you see.

Yours disgruntedly,

Anirudh.

Bad day

Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up, and just know that it is going to be your day? You have, right? It is a useless notion. Throw it out of the window.

I was slowly realizing that marital bliss is way overrated just 6 months into my marriage. Not that anything was wrong, just that her constant talking and the need to know everything about everything was beginning to get just a tad annoying. But I had woken up that day feeling like a million dollars, so I chose not to let it bother me and indulged her. I had a hearty breakfast and was ready on time. Now that was something that hadn't happened in a long time. I gathered my wallet and handkerchief. I checked my mobile for messages or missed calls. There were none. The battery meter was showing around 66% power. But I thought I'd squeeze through the day on the remaining charge. Since I had loads of time to reach office, I decided to take the bus instead of my car. Also, I had a meeting in the afternoon, driving back home from which, would have been a nightmare.

We were the middle of July but it hadn't really rained much that year. The meteorological department had put the lack of rains down to a western disturbance or some such, and I for one was tired of lugging a redundant umbrella around all the time. I decided to let it remain at home. Now, on days when I do take the bus to work, the conductor is like my personal coin vending machine. I am not averse to flashing a Rs. 100 note for a five rupee ticket. But that day, I paid him the exact change even if it meant rummaging through my pockets for a good minute or so. He seemed pleasantly surprised.

Work that day was amazing. There was not a single dull moment all morning. Meanwhile, the wife called twice to see what I was up to. I told her about the good day I had been having, and I didn't even have to make anything up! The first half of the day passed by in a jiffy and pretty soon it was time for lunch. I left soon after for my meeting.

The client's office was a long way off, but I loved going there. It was in a part of town which still retained much of its old world charm. Besides, it was located in a Victorian era building bang in front of the famous Sivashambu temple. Another place which I loved for its historical value if not religious significance. It could not have been more than 2'o clock in the afternoon, but it was already dark. However, true to the weatherman's word, the rain stayed away. After an hour and a half's journey, I reached the client's office, only to be told that he himself was out and was expected back in another 15 minutes.

All of a sudden, there was a lot of commotion in the office. Almost all the employees were gathered in front of the TV in the reception and were watching the news. Rains had hit the city. Hard. In a matter of minutes, news crews were relaying visuals from different parts of the city under varying levels of submergence. I still had the gumption to wait for my client even as his employees started vacating the office. I waited till the last of them were ready to leave. It had become clear a long time ago that the client wasn't going to show up. But I stayed put hoping for a break in the showers. Of course it never came.

When I reached the main street it was virtually empty. Two things immediately became very clear. First, I had no reprieve from the rain courtesy of having left my umbrella at home, and second, the fear of heavy rains had driven all forms of transport away from the roads. I crossed the street and stood at the base of the steps ascending to the Sivashambu temple. I decided to call up the wife and inform her of my whereabouts. But no sooner had the call connected than she started chastising me for not taking my umbrella. The call disconnected mid way through her sermon. That's right, the battery was spent. I realized I had another lecture in the waiting at home for not charging my mobile phone. Meanwhile inside the temple, the evening aarti was going on in full swing. Apparently, the priests could not take a rain check. I decided to look for a PCO and make my SOS call before returning to the shelter of the temple. I secretly hoped it'd not be required.

My day, which had started on such a positive note was slowly disintegrating into one of the worst ones I had ever had. As if the incessant rains weren't a problem, I almost fell into a drain...twice. I was cold and hungry. My socks were wet and walking was a harrowing experience. On top of it all, there did not seem to be any PCO's around. Damn the mobile revolution. Ultimately, when I did manage to find one after walking and stumbling for almost an hour, I couldn't use it. I had given away all my change to the bus conductor that morning. I was frustrated, but there was nothing I could do. I decided to wait in the temple and started retracing my steps. I had barely reached it when I spotted something.

My car, with the wife driving it. How could she have found me? It was impossible. I mean, she hadn't given me a chance to speak during our recent conversation. How could she have known? My mind raced into overdrive trying to find answers, and that's when it hit me. She must have heard the aarti in the background when I called and figured out my location. She saw me and slowed down. I got in the car.

After I was sufficiently dry, I told her of my clever little deduction. She seemed surprised. I was surprised at her being surprised.

"No one can  find anyone based on the ringing bells of a temple in a town that literally has thousands of them."

"But, then how did you...?"

"You were very happy this morning. You were talking more than you usually do and had specifically mentioned this meeting. Don't you remember? I figured you'd be here around the time this heavy downpour started, and could use a ride home..." I could only smile. "...You should have brought your umbrella today. Now you are sure to catch a cold, and then I'll catch it too. I hate it. And what happened to your phone? I've only called you like a million times...Don't tell me its gotten wet. That is why you should listen to me.Why are you smiling? You just remembered a joke, didn't you? Yes, it's a joke and you are not telling me. You never tell me anything...." I realized that marriage has its plus sides after all. 

Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up, and just know that it is going to be your day? Well, I certainly have and that was the story of one such day.

Reunion

I'll admit that I was a bit apprehensive. After all, I was going to see her after a long time. But the moment I did, I was robbed of all my anxieties. Her beautiful face had never failed to put me at ease, and this time was no exception. It almost felt as if I had never been away.

A lot had changed since we had parted some 14 months ago. She looked a bit different. Of course she retained the same grace and charm as always, but there were a couple of new things too, indeed a sign of how she always managed to keep pace with the changing times. I'm sure she'd have noticed some changes in me too. But if you were to ask, she'd probably want the old me back. Truth be told, so would I.

We sat on the sill of the big window in her room. It was raining outside and the atmosphere was lovely. After the initial pleasantries were exchanged and the conversation started flowing, memories came cascading back. We looked back at the first time we had seen each other, the first words that were exchanged between us, even our first fight. Everything was revisited. All highlights of the days gone by, yet today they were nothing more than specks of dust just like the ones the rain was depositing on the window pane in front of us. We laughed a lot that day...we laughed till there were tears in our eyes. And then I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I wanted to be with her. I missed her patiently listening to my rants and her unbiased advice, I missed her when I was in the mood for some fun, I missed her when I was sad. I missed her on glorious mornings, and at the end of long, tiring days. No one would ever be able to gauge the magnitude of my longing for her.

I told her how much I liked being with her. That was about the only time I could be me, and do things I really wanted, when I wanted to do them. The freedom and space she gave me to grow were so difficult to obtain anywhere else. Why couldn't we be together always? Why did this reunion have to have a time limitation? Why did we have to go back to our now separate worlds at the end of it?

She remained stoic, even as I was pouring my heart out to her. She had a far-away look in her eyes which meant that she was thinking. I knew that prodding her to reveal her thoughts at that time was futile. She'd give me all the answers when she was ready. She'd give me all the answers when I was ready.

We passed the remainder of our sparse time together talking and doing some of the things we both did back in the day. Pretty soon, it was time for me to leave. I was quiet. I hate saying goodbye, and this was only the hardest ever.

 "Let me show you something" she said, and took me back to the window. It had stopped raining now, and the combination of moisture from the rain and dust had rendered it a bit dirty.

"Can you see outside?" she asked. "Not very clearly. What's the point you are trying to make?"

"That this teaches us something. Just like you have to clean the window to get a good view of the outside, you have to let go of the past, so that you can enjoy the time that is yet to come."

"But I'm afraid of cleaning the window because a dirty window reflects what is on the inside. I know it is the one place I can always find you. A spotless window would mean letting go of the past and would also mean letting go of you. I can't do that. I don't want to forget you. What will I do with a future that you are not part of?"

"Oh you silly, silly boy! That will never happen. All the things that have transpired between us have left permanent etchings on your heart, as they have on mine. Try as you may, you can never erase those."

I was still not convinced. She then took my hand in hers, and started to join the specks of dust that had been deposited on the window by the falling rain a few minutes ago. While it seemed random at first, when she finished, I could clearly see a zig-zag path. She placed her hand at one end of the line and mine at the other.

"See how we are connected? And we will always be. Unlike the dust on this window, the markings on our hearts will forever remain, you just have to find a way to connect them. Sure, sometimes that way may not be straightforward, or apparent, but eventually you will always find a path to me no matter where you go. Just remember everything that I have taught you."

She smiled, and so did I. I could now see clearly what she had been explaining for so long. Our togetherness was independent of physical proximity. I felt reassured and light, as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I was ready to move on.

As I was about to step out she called out to me once again.

"When will you visit again?"

"Soon, maa. Very soon."

Strike

Ho-hum, woke up to another Tuesday morning. Nothing unusual. I went through my morning routines and was prepared to have just another work day, but the auto rickshaw unions of Mumbai had other plans for me. All of a sudden, they decided to go on a 'flash' strike. Later in the day, I realized that the taxi unions were also involved and furthermore, my brethren in the rajdhani were also suffering the same. Still later in the day, I read that the strike had been called off. WTF, right?

This got me thinking about the veracity of this entire episode. Were these fuckers fornicators justified in holding the world's best city along with India's capital to ransom just like that? Intuitively, the answer was no. But I thought I had to have proof. So, using the awesome power of Google and Microsoft Excel, I did exactly that.

Mumbai

CNG currently sells at Rs. 24.65/kg and its new price is expected to be Rs. 31.47/kg.

Since we measure fuel consumption and engine efficiency in liters, it'd be prudent to convert the costs accordingly.

The density of CNG is 0.55-0.65 kg/lit. Assuming an average value of 0.6 kg/lit, a kilogram of CNG roughly translates to 1.67 liters of the same. So, the cost used for all calculations is Rs. 14.76/lit (old) and Rs. 18.84/lit (new).

The auto fares are Rs. 9 for the first kilometer and Rs. 5 for every subsequent kilometer. The unions want to increase these to Rs. 15 and Rs. 8 respectively. 

Let us conservatively assume an engine efficiency of 25 kmpl. (A very very low estimate. Actual figures border the 35 kmpl mark).

Given all this, if a passenger in Mumbai hires an autorickshaw to travel to his destination 3 km away, lets look at costs in the present fuel regime.

For a distance of 3 km, the fuel utilized would be 3/25 = 0.12 liters.

Fuel cost for the rickshaw owner = 0.12*14.76 = Rs. 1.77

Fare for the passenger = 9+2*5 = Rs. 19

Now see what will happen if the government accedes to the rickshaw unions' demands.

Fuel utilized = 0.12 liters.

Fuel cost for the rickshaw owner = 0.12*18.84 = Rs. 2.26

Fare for the passenger = 15+2*8 = Rs. 31

This means that for an 27% increase in fuel cost, the passenger is being charged 63% more. Is this justified?

In the case of taxis, let us assume a fuel efficiency of 15 kmpl. For the same distance of 3 km the equation is once again stacked against the passenger. The present regime charges Rs. 14 for the first kilometer and Rs. 7.5 for every subsequent kilometer. The proposed regime hikes these figures to Rs. 16 and Rs. 9 - Rs. 11 respectively.

Fuel consumed = 3/15 = 0.2 liters.

Fuel cost for the taxi driver = 0.2*14.76 = Rs. 2.95 under the present regime and 0.2*18.84 = Rs. 3.77 under the proposed regime.

Fare for the passenger = 14+2*7.5 = Rs. 29 at present and 16+2*11 = Rs. 38 under the proposed regime.

Once again, the passenger pays 31% more while the taxi owner's fuel costs go up by 28%. This is also one of the reasons why taxi drivers refuse to ply short distances. As the distance goes up, the benefits to the taxi driver increase.

Delhi

Since Delhi autos and taxis hardly ply on the government approved rates, it's morally wrong for them to go on strike. I am not going to waste space here showing you how in a hypothetical world, where Delhi autos and taxis actually use the meters installed in their vehicles, the passenger would still end up paying a lot more. Seriously, they should quietly continue to fleece people like they always have, otherwise for the want of a nail the shoe will be lost.

Now I do understand that there are a lot of other expenses involved in owning a rickshaw / taxi. There are maintenance charges, EMIs, emergency charges, routine family expenses etc. But, haphazardly increasing fares is not going to help any of that. If anything, once they start earning more they'll start spending more too and overall, will remain in the same place financially. And how is going on strikes going to help? They'll end up losing whatever money they were making in the first place!

I hope I have now convinced you just how royally we are being fucked fornicated with. I encourage you to show these numbers and calculations to everyone who cares to know. I am hopeful that someone in a position of power will see this and realize that the only rides passengers can be taken on are the ones that they want to go on.

Notes:

1. Pliss to bring to my notice any factual / mathematical errors asap.

2. CNG Prices courtesy TOI
3. CNG physical properties sourced from MGL 
4. Auto rickshaw engine efficiency data obtained here
5. Auto rickshaw fares courtesy rediff news
6. Mumbai taxi fares courtesy HT
7. Delhi taxi fares courtesy sify finance

There is more to this strike than meets the eye. In Mumbai, this strike was orchestrated by Mr. Nitesh Rane, who happens to be the son of veteran politician Mr. Narayan Rane. This was obviously an attempt to bring him into mainstream politics from the fringe worlds he currently inhabits. The taxi and auto owners, poorer by a day's earnings were mere pawns.