Strike

Ho-hum, woke up to another Tuesday morning. Nothing unusual. I went through my morning routines and was prepared to have just another work day, but the auto rickshaw unions of Mumbai had other plans for me. All of a sudden, they decided to go on a 'flash' strike. Later in the day, I realized that the taxi unions were also involved and furthermore, my brethren in the rajdhani were also suffering the same. Still later in the day, I read that the strike had been called off. WTF, right?

This got me thinking about the veracity of this entire episode. Were these fuckers fornicators justified in holding the world's best city along with India's capital to ransom just like that? Intuitively, the answer was no. But I thought I had to have proof. So, using the awesome power of Google and Microsoft Excel, I did exactly that.

Mumbai

CNG currently sells at Rs. 24.65/kg and its new price is expected to be Rs. 31.47/kg.

Since we measure fuel consumption and engine efficiency in liters, it'd be prudent to convert the costs accordingly.

The density of CNG is 0.55-0.65 kg/lit. Assuming an average value of 0.6 kg/lit, a kilogram of CNG roughly translates to 1.67 liters of the same. So, the cost used for all calculations is Rs. 14.76/lit (old) and Rs. 18.84/lit (new).

The auto fares are Rs. 9 for the first kilometer and Rs. 5 for every subsequent kilometer. The unions want to increase these to Rs. 15 and Rs. 8 respectively. 

Let us conservatively assume an engine efficiency of 25 kmpl. (A very very low estimate. Actual figures border the 35 kmpl mark).

Given all this, if a passenger in Mumbai hires an autorickshaw to travel to his destination 3 km away, lets look at costs in the present fuel regime.

For a distance of 3 km, the fuel utilized would be 3/25 = 0.12 liters.

Fuel cost for the rickshaw owner = 0.12*14.76 = Rs. 1.77

Fare for the passenger = 9+2*5 = Rs. 19

Now see what will happen if the government accedes to the rickshaw unions' demands.

Fuel utilized = 0.12 liters.

Fuel cost for the rickshaw owner = 0.12*18.84 = Rs. 2.26

Fare for the passenger = 15+2*8 = Rs. 31

This means that for an 27% increase in fuel cost, the passenger is being charged 63% more. Is this justified?

In the case of taxis, let us assume a fuel efficiency of 15 kmpl. For the same distance of 3 km the equation is once again stacked against the passenger. The present regime charges Rs. 14 for the first kilometer and Rs. 7.5 for every subsequent kilometer. The proposed regime hikes these figures to Rs. 16 and Rs. 9 - Rs. 11 respectively.

Fuel consumed = 3/15 = 0.2 liters.

Fuel cost for the taxi driver = 0.2*14.76 = Rs. 2.95 under the present regime and 0.2*18.84 = Rs. 3.77 under the proposed regime.

Fare for the passenger = 14+2*7.5 = Rs. 29 at present and 16+2*11 = Rs. 38 under the proposed regime.

Once again, the passenger pays 31% more while the taxi owner's fuel costs go up by 28%. This is also one of the reasons why taxi drivers refuse to ply short distances. As the distance goes up, the benefits to the taxi driver increase.

Delhi

Since Delhi autos and taxis hardly ply on the government approved rates, it's morally wrong for them to go on strike. I am not going to waste space here showing you how in a hypothetical world, where Delhi autos and taxis actually use the meters installed in their vehicles, the passenger would still end up paying a lot more. Seriously, they should quietly continue to fleece people like they always have, otherwise for the want of a nail the shoe will be lost.

Now I do understand that there are a lot of other expenses involved in owning a rickshaw / taxi. There are maintenance charges, EMIs, emergency charges, routine family expenses etc. But, haphazardly increasing fares is not going to help any of that. If anything, once they start earning more they'll start spending more too and overall, will remain in the same place financially. And how is going on strikes going to help? They'll end up losing whatever money they were making in the first place!

I hope I have now convinced you just how royally we are being fucked fornicated with. I encourage you to show these numbers and calculations to everyone who cares to know. I am hopeful that someone in a position of power will see this and realize that the only rides passengers can be taken on are the ones that they want to go on.

Notes:

1. Pliss to bring to my notice any factual / mathematical errors asap.

2. CNG Prices courtesy TOI
3. CNG physical properties sourced from MGL 
4. Auto rickshaw engine efficiency data obtained here
5. Auto rickshaw fares courtesy rediff news
6. Mumbai taxi fares courtesy HT
7. Delhi taxi fares courtesy sify finance

There is more to this strike than meets the eye. In Mumbai, this strike was orchestrated by Mr. Nitesh Rane, who happens to be the son of veteran politician Mr. Narayan Rane. This was obviously an attempt to bring him into mainstream politics from the fringe worlds he currently inhabits. The taxi and auto owners, poorer by a day's earnings were mere pawns.

Gym Species

The gymnasium these days has graduated from being the abode of a few muscled men to a place where all sorts of people converge. While you can thank Salman Khan for making gymming hugely  popular in the country, a look at the different types of people found in a gym can be equally interesting. Having observed these specimens from a close range for almost a year now, allow me to share the results of my research with you.


Species no.1: The instructor

A species essential to the survival of any gymnasium habitat. They usually have chiseled bodies and perfect workout techniques. Sometimes, when they are not busy ogling at the hotchick / hulk, they will help other species exercise too. Occasionally, you will find an out of shape instructor too, but at that point, he'd have acquired an additional qualification like 'floor manager' or 'personal trainer'.

Associate species: All

Most likely to be seen at: All over the gym

Most likely to say: "..three...four...up...five...six...push..."

Species no. 2: The hulk

This all-male species is the pride of the gym. Having been working out for the better parts of their adult lives, these men are the proud owners of bulging biceps and toned tummies. Unfortunately, most people belonging to this species do not have IQs as developed as their triceps and are only capable of holding conversations with fellow members of their species or the instructors. Nonetheless, they serve as role models for the fatties, scourges for the wannabes and eye candy for the hotchicks.


Associate species: Instructors, other hulks.

Most likely to be seen at: Near the bench press machine, or the dumbbell stack.

Most likely to say:  "Aaj kitna set marega?"

Species no. 3: The hotchick

This all female species is god's gift to the gym. You see, half the gym's male membership is because of them. Now they don't actually need to work out since their exercise needs are taken care of by constantly balancing numerous boyfriends. But when they do grace the gym by their presence, they can be seen spending long hours on the treadmill without doing any actual exercise. They'll just walk very slowly, bitch with the hotchick on the adjoining treadmill and ogle at the hulks. This species has never been seen doing any rigourous exercises till date.

Associate species: None (the price for hotness be solitude)

Most likely to be seen at: On the treadmill or near the water cooler.

Most likely to say: "Aaj a/c band hai kya?"

Species no. 4: The fatty

This species is the bread and butter of the gym. Comprising of sweating males and panting females, this is the most dynamic species with more and more members joining every day, while the current members hope to join the ranks of the hulks / hotchicks. They serve as good attention diverters for the instructors and the hulks who can often be heard cracking jokes about them.


Associate species: Other fatties

Most likely to be seen at: The treadmill, the elliptical machine or the cycle.

Most likely to say: "Aaj maine poora 10 gm wajan kam kiya"

Species no. 5: The wannabe

This species is not interested in exercising any parts of their bodies, save the muscles of their larynges. They have a (often misplaced) high sense of self importance. They can be mostly seen hiding from the instructors and giving unsolicited advice to the fatties. They are the ones who complain about the music being too loud / instructors not being available / equipment being faulty etc

Associate species: None

Most likely to be seen at: In the locker room, near the water cooler, near the a/c, tormenting the fatties.


Most likely to say: "3 set kaun marega...pagal hai kya?"


Species no. 6: The quickie

This species is a sub-species of the fatty, but certain characteristics distinguish the two. These people are, as the name suggests, very quick. In fact, they'll try all the exercises the gym has to offer in a desperate attempt to lose weight, in one day. They'll then remain absent for the next 20 days as they recover from the extreme muscle damage. They'll quickly ditch the gym for quick slim pills / fad diets / bengali babas. In fact anything that promises them quick weight loss.

Associate species: They are not around that long to make any associations


Most likely to be seen at: All the machines one day, nowhere the next.

Most likely to say: They are as yet unheard from.


Species no. 7: The hardworker

A relatively unknown species in the gym. They come in regularly and work out religiously under the guidance of the instructors. They are adept at fending off the occasional wannabe who mistakes them for a fatty and tries to offer his expert advice. However, they are never taken seriously and their grievances are often lost behind the pantings of the fatties and the wails of the wannabes.


Associate species: All, except the wannabes.

Most likely to be seen at: Wherever the instructor tells them, waiting in line behind the hulks to use the bench press

Most likely to say: "Mera number kab aayega?"

P.S: Many thanks to JAM magazine for introducing this format to me.

Quarter Life Crisis

Call it a gift of the modern times, or just young people with a tad too much time on their hands, but quarter life crisis is a very real thing, and it is happening to a lot of people around you.

It all starts out fine. You're a kid, cute and all that, the entire world is at your beck and call. Troubles start as you start growing up. There is so much to do, so much not to do, friends, school, learning and education. Things only go downhill as you progress into your teens. In addition to the above, you then have to deal with acne, hair in the wrong places, the opposite sex, crushes, link ups, break ups and what not. As you move further ahead, more sinister matters crop up. These include, but are not limited to - higher studies, career, job, job satisfaction, getting peer approval for everything, marriage, kids and the entire gamut. Give me a break!

So you see, in present times, the first 25 or so years pass a person by so rapidly, that he has no clue what hit him / her. He / she has only been following someone else's bidding all this while. And then when you reach your mid-twenties, the little voice in your head that has been timid and weak all this while starts getting louder, to the point where you can't ignore it anymore. And that's when you realize that its time you took the reins.

This however, is easier said than done. There are so many knots to undo! The whole process is so daunting that you start doubting the feasibility of it all. This uncertainty, this tentativeness, this indecisiveness is what leads to the crisis, of which I too am a victim.

Whether or not I now change based on my inputs (inputs from others around hardly matter) and what will be the magnitude of such a change (if it happens) is something only time will tell. For the moment, I am going to put down a list of things, off the top of my head, that typify my quarter life crisis, and maybe you can compare it to yours...in no particular order -

I wish my grandparents were still around. There is nothing conflicting this ; it's an absolute truth.


I want to be a kid again, but I don't like my Mother treating me like one.


I want more authority and freedom, but not necessarily more responsibility.


I want my job and my interests to match, but I myself am forever changing the definition of interesting.


I want my friends to spend more time with me, but I also want them to understand when I am busy and can't be with them.

I want longer weekends, but when there is a holiday I get easily bored.


I want to sleep more everyday, but don't want to feel guilty afterwards.


I want better clothes, better gadgets and better accessories, but I also want to save money.


I want to go back to Kanpur and do a Ph.D, but I don't want to leave my family and friends behind again.


I want to know how everything works, but don't like it if the explanations become too complex.


I hate to be bossy, but I don't like it when my younger sister doesn't listen to me.


I want to watch cartoons, but I also want to know what's breaking in the news at the same instant.


I want to eat all the good stuff all the time, but I don't want to get fat.


I hate being religious, yet when I have a problem, "God help me" is the first thought I have.

I am pathetic with goodbyes, yet I want people to miss me afterwards.


I want to live, not just exist.


I don't want a different life, I want my life to make a difference, something that is worth it all, something that I can be proud of.

I hope you went through all of them. I also hope that you found resonance in some places at least, and you are just a wee bit more comfortable in the knowledge that you are not alone.

P.S: I will add more points of conflict to the above list as and when they strike me. You can contribute too! Just drop me a line :)