Gym Species

The gymnasium these days has graduated from being the abode of a few muscled men to a place where all sorts of people converge. While you can thank Salman Khan for making gymming hugely  popular in the country, a look at the different types of people found in a gym can be equally interesting. Having observed these specimens from a close range for almost a year now, allow me to share the results of my research with you.


Species no.1: The instructor

A species essential to the survival of any gymnasium habitat. They usually have chiseled bodies and perfect workout techniques. Sometimes, when they are not busy ogling at the hotchick / hulk, they will help other species exercise too. Occasionally, you will find an out of shape instructor too, but at that point, he'd have acquired an additional qualification like 'floor manager' or 'personal trainer'.

Associate species: All

Most likely to be seen at: All over the gym

Most likely to say: "..three...four...up...five...six...push..."

Species no. 2: The hulk

This all-male species is the pride of the gym. Having been working out for the better parts of their adult lives, these men are the proud owners of bulging biceps and toned tummies. Unfortunately, most people belonging to this species do not have IQs as developed as their triceps and are only capable of holding conversations with fellow members of their species or the instructors. Nonetheless, they serve as role models for the fatties, scourges for the wannabes and eye candy for the hotchicks.


Associate species: Instructors, other hulks.

Most likely to be seen at: Near the bench press machine, or the dumbbell stack.

Most likely to say:  "Aaj kitna set marega?"

Species no. 3: The hotchick

This all female species is god's gift to the gym. You see, half the gym's male membership is because of them. Now they don't actually need to work out since their exercise needs are taken care of by constantly balancing numerous boyfriends. But when they do grace the gym by their presence, they can be seen spending long hours on the treadmill without doing any actual exercise. They'll just walk very slowly, bitch with the hotchick on the adjoining treadmill and ogle at the hulks. This species has never been seen doing any rigourous exercises till date.

Associate species: None (the price for hotness be solitude)

Most likely to be seen at: On the treadmill or near the water cooler.

Most likely to say: "Aaj a/c band hai kya?"

Species no. 4: The fatty

This species is the bread and butter of the gym. Comprising of sweating males and panting females, this is the most dynamic species with more and more members joining every day, while the current members hope to join the ranks of the hulks / hotchicks. They serve as good attention diverters for the instructors and the hulks who can often be heard cracking jokes about them.


Associate species: Other fatties

Most likely to be seen at: The treadmill, the elliptical machine or the cycle.

Most likely to say: "Aaj maine poora 10 gm wajan kam kiya"

Species no. 5: The wannabe

This species is not interested in exercising any parts of their bodies, save the muscles of their larynges. They have a (often misplaced) high sense of self importance. They can be mostly seen hiding from the instructors and giving unsolicited advice to the fatties. They are the ones who complain about the music being too loud / instructors not being available / equipment being faulty etc

Associate species: None

Most likely to be seen at: In the locker room, near the water cooler, near the a/c, tormenting the fatties.


Most likely to say: "3 set kaun marega...pagal hai kya?"


Species no. 6: The quickie

This species is a sub-species of the fatty, but certain characteristics distinguish the two. These people are, as the name suggests, very quick. In fact, they'll try all the exercises the gym has to offer in a desperate attempt to lose weight, in one day. They'll then remain absent for the next 20 days as they recover from the extreme muscle damage. They'll quickly ditch the gym for quick slim pills / fad diets / bengali babas. In fact anything that promises them quick weight loss.

Associate species: They are not around that long to make any associations


Most likely to be seen at: All the machines one day, nowhere the next.

Most likely to say: They are as yet unheard from.


Species no. 7: The hardworker

A relatively unknown species in the gym. They come in regularly and work out religiously under the guidance of the instructors. They are adept at fending off the occasional wannabe who mistakes them for a fatty and tries to offer his expert advice. However, they are never taken seriously and their grievances are often lost behind the pantings of the fatties and the wails of the wannabes.


Associate species: All, except the wannabes.

Most likely to be seen at: Wherever the instructor tells them, waiting in line behind the hulks to use the bench press

Most likely to say: "Mera number kab aayega?"

P.S: Many thanks to JAM magazine for introducing this format to me.